Never thought that i could not live without anyone.
Ever since you went to Laos, I start to think otherwise.
Im counting down the days till i see your face again.
School is getting tough, but Im lucky to have Sami as my lecturer.
He has a machine gun for a mouth though.
My life is getting bland, but I like it.
It made me appreciative of everything I have.
&I must be blessed to have you.

Wow looks like someone is rather jealous over the assurance as mentioned in the previous entry.
To you:
I know Im not as smart as you think you are, and not as hardworking as you, I deserve every chance I've got and Im happy that Im here now. There's no need to be so competitive. Im already in a different school as you, so just get over it. You seriously need to get a life. One that has enjoyment &fun and one that you can forgive yourself for not attaining everything in the world.
PS If that was out of jealousy, you've got more to be jealous of.  &If that was a personal attack, I've more comeback on you. &If that was because there is a delirious bug inside you, twitching, really couldn't understand the question posted, you need a shrink.

Got accepted by NTU applied physics,

so the qn is NTU or ACCA? ):

I still cant quite make up my mind.

Will i benefit from a degree or a professional cert?

I feel so uncertain, I've no more essence of time anymore. 

Exams are ending on 15 jun and i need to either get a study loan if Im going NTU or sign up at LSBF by 26jun if Im continuing on ACCA.

Oh well, if not for Carlson and Adams, I would definitely choose NTU.

They made me feel that Im not alone afterall :)

&I emailed KPMG and found out that an ACCA grad and NTU acc grad stand the same chance of getting an acct job :)

Weien's mommy also said the same for IRAS.

heehee at least I feel more certain and secured now.

Have been studying with Carl from 10-10 these few days, but still quite frustrated about some questions that Im unclear of.

Hopefully four of us would pass with flying colours!! :)

Looking at the past, I felt that I've let so many people down &have done so many mistakes.
What could happened to all of us if ...
Well, will I feel the same if I were to look back in the future?
We never will know what's in for us in the future so we just gotta treasure all we have now and enjoy it as it is now.
I have a sweet boy by my side and Im grateful for that.
&somehow God answered my prayers by blessing me with a few things.

AFTER ALL THESE TIME.
If I have the chance to change those things I've done, I definitely will.
I hope you will find somewhere in your heart to forgive me.
&I will always be proud of you :)
Glad you happened.

Whee I've new friends in school!
Ha ok i sound pathetic.
But it really ain't easy surviving in school.
OLD PEOPLE AND CHINAESE!!!
exams are coming! 2 months' time :/
Sighh and I still cant get a hold of myself.
I needa study but I just cant feel the pressures yet.
Everyday Im shuffling, <3

You left me with no room for regrets.
Have you ever loved somebody so much that you can barely breathe?

I guess im suffering from postms.
Everything looks so gloomy.
Loss in appetite, headaches, backaches, depression etc.
Looking at my work and bank acc, I feel stressed.
Sighh. I really hope Snowy is not pregnant.
And im missing alot of people ):
weien, jiayi, xianghui, sushan, heidy etc.
weien is busy, as usual.
jiayi is outfield.
xhui is confined in bmt.
sushan is working.
heidy is going back to aust.
As much as I miss these people, Im too busy and lazy to go out.
Just came back from f4.
F3 is a real mystery and i've been trying to catch up till 3am last night.
My lecturer always praises the inventor of dr and cr as a remarkably intelligent person but why do I feel that he is a remarkable burden?
My voice is drowned by a million china chinese in my school.
I bet you will feel claustrophobic and extreme aches in the head if you are trapped in a lift that has all the china people in the world talking loudly in their native language.
GAWDDDDD!! Im suffering from xenophobia.
WHEN IS THIS GONNA EVER STOP?!?
the schoolmates, the neighbours, the commuters, the etc.
Is it wrong for us, as singaporeans to unwelcome foreigners?

Did life turn better for me ever since I started on ACCA?
Im not exactly sure. For all I know, Im actually occupied with things to study for.
I've no friends there, most of them are chinese nationals, if not older people.
Everyone sits alone and there's no interaction.
I want friends!! To teach me and to study with me. &most of all, to walk with me through this course.
There're only 3 things for me to do right now : study, meet weien and l4d2.
Sighh, guess Im really addicted to playing l4d2. ha.
Im really in a financial crisis now. Need to save more!!
Next in line of my endless worries is the application to uni.
What should be in my first choice?
Mathematical science (sth that I really want but was rejected last year)
OR FASS(sth that I have more chances to get into, but not exactly what I want)
Sighh, can someone help me out?
I feel that Im all alone in this. ):
I like ACCA, but I don't have any friends to help me cope (&I must admit, I feel lonely, &insecure, ie.is the the right path i should take?)
But if I were to get a course not of my choice in uni(engineering or FASS), will I quit school because I honestly have no interest in them?
):

Met up with Keith, Luke, Ivan, Alvan and Zhiyang today.
I initiated the meet up cause honestly, i feel super lonely.
I need to have back my social circle.
We played LAN after lunch. Team fortress and L4D2.
It was awesome. All the shooting seems to vent out my frustrations.
Saw gab chia after LAN.
He changed alot. He got kicked out by ac and he is studying at mdis now.
Deep down inside, i still kinda treat him like a lil bro and see the cute side of him.
&somehow, to me, it seems like he's dying to change into someone else that everyone is foreign with.
He wants and needs more attention. Sign.
He reminds me of Vester.
Somehow i feel obliged to love them more than others.

Recently Weien has been caught up with his studies and stuff.
He said that he feels stressful as he needs to juggle his studies, family, our relationship and social circle at the same time.
I felt miserable as tears welled up in my eyes.
I miss him like hell but i have and want more of him but i have to spare a thought for him at the same time.
Hearts get fonder with absence.
Hopefully, its applicable to him too.
Hate to admit it but sometimes i really feel like giving up.
The last thing i want from a relationship is that it no longer feels like one.
Like you spend more of your time missing than loving.
I mean how does it makes sense anymore?
But i know i wouldn't. (: It would be such a fatal mistake to.
Although he seldom say sweet nothings to me anymore and is not as affectionate as he used to be,
I still can't forget what we had.
The patient, soft and gentle weien.
I feel distant from him now but Im still very much familiar with how he used to be.

Im too bored thats why i figured i should start up a private blog for my endless ranting.

Weien is too busy for me and i don't want to give him too much pressure by injecting too much of my nonsense into his stress-filled uni life.

So i might as well rant to myself here.

Same routine. 

I woke up today and went through the same series of regretful feelings that i should have gone to a uni course.

What the hell am i doing right now? 

I've no freaking idea.

There's work tomorrow. whee.

Cant believe Im actually looking forward to it even though Im so underpaid.

Maybe cause Im thrown with a lot of stressful work which i haven't been for quite some time.

I remembered myself as a workaholic.

But if you were to ask me what is the best adjective I would describe myself now, 

it would be V.

Im V-ing now.

He became a vile adjective idk ever since when.

Definition of v : Doing nothing, Slacking around, Majorly wallowing in self-pity, Procrastinating, Waiting for the world to change, Always complaining, Poignancy.

Ha. ok. Private blog, private talk.

Im pretty troubled on what to give for weien on his upcoming birthday.

Most prolly I will stick to my brilliant organizer-calendar gift.

I want to make it like a pretty scrapbook but I don't see myself being as artistic as that.

At least xianghui was good enough to bring me out and around for inspirations i would never get while lying on the bed watching cartoons.

A's around the corner again.

Time flies. & all i did was remain stagnant, allowing all the nuisances to thrive on me.

&where the hell did Jiayi go?

Stupid biatch is in australia camp.

I need him around as my emotional pillar.

We share the same plight.

He's on the same flight with me to nowhere.

But he is nowhere near me either.

I feel guilty for not attending sunday schools.

They taught me a lot of life lessons but somehow i seem to lose faith.

But i still pray.

Not that much though.

I seldom talk to God anymore.

I know He listens.

But sometimes i just wonder if He's just too busy for a whiny little screwed up girl like me.

fml. fmnul.

Fuck my life. Fuck my non-uni life.

I just want to conform into the normal lifestyle as my peers.

But I wasnt even granted that. sighhh.