Met up with Keith, Luke, Ivan, Alvan and Zhiyang today.
I initiated the meet up cause honestly, i feel super lonely.
I need to have back my social circle.
We played LAN after lunch. Team fortress and L4D2.
It was awesome. All the shooting seems to vent out my frustrations.
Saw gab chia after LAN.
He changed alot. He got kicked out by ac and he is studying at mdis now.
Deep down inside, i still kinda treat him like a lil bro and see the cute side of him.
&somehow, to me, it seems like he's dying to change into someone else that everyone is foreign with.
He wants and needs more attention. Sign.
He reminds me of Vester.
Somehow i feel obliged to love them more than others.

Recently Weien has been caught up with his studies and stuff.
He said that he feels stressful as he needs to juggle his studies, family, our relationship and social circle at the same time.
I felt miserable as tears welled up in my eyes.
I miss him like hell but i have and want more of him but i have to spare a thought for him at the same time.
Hearts get fonder with absence.
Hopefully, its applicable to him too.
Hate to admit it but sometimes i really feel like giving up.
The last thing i want from a relationship is that it no longer feels like one.
Like you spend more of your time missing than loving.
I mean how does it makes sense anymore?
But i know i wouldn't. (: It would be such a fatal mistake to.
Although he seldom say sweet nothings to me anymore and is not as affectionate as he used to be,
I still can't forget what we had.
The patient, soft and gentle weien.
I feel distant from him now but Im still very much familiar with how he used to be.

Im too bored thats why i figured i should start up a private blog for my endless ranting.

Weien is too busy for me and i don't want to give him too much pressure by injecting too much of my nonsense into his stress-filled uni life.

So i might as well rant to myself here.

Same routine. 

I woke up today and went through the same series of regretful feelings that i should have gone to a uni course.

What the hell am i doing right now? 

I've no freaking idea.

There's work tomorrow. whee.

Cant believe Im actually looking forward to it even though Im so underpaid.

Maybe cause Im thrown with a lot of stressful work which i haven't been for quite some time.

I remembered myself as a workaholic.

But if you were to ask me what is the best adjective I would describe myself now, 

it would be V.

Im V-ing now.

He became a vile adjective idk ever since when.

Definition of v : Doing nothing, Slacking around, Majorly wallowing in self-pity, Procrastinating, Waiting for the world to change, Always complaining, Poignancy.

Ha. ok. Private blog, private talk.

Im pretty troubled on what to give for weien on his upcoming birthday.

Most prolly I will stick to my brilliant organizer-calendar gift.

I want to make it like a pretty scrapbook but I don't see myself being as artistic as that.

At least xianghui was good enough to bring me out and around for inspirations i would never get while lying on the bed watching cartoons.

A's around the corner again.

Time flies. & all i did was remain stagnant, allowing all the nuisances to thrive on me.

&where the hell did Jiayi go?

Stupid biatch is in australia camp.

I need him around as my emotional pillar.

We share the same plight.

He's on the same flight with me to nowhere.

But he is nowhere near me either.

I feel guilty for not attending sunday schools.

They taught me a lot of life lessons but somehow i seem to lose faith.

But i still pray.

Not that much though.

I seldom talk to God anymore.

I know He listens.

But sometimes i just wonder if He's just too busy for a whiny little screwed up girl like me.

fml. fmnul.

Fuck my life. Fuck my non-uni life.

I just want to conform into the normal lifestyle as my peers.

But I wasnt even granted that. sighhh.